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James Pasley

Ever since I was a little kid my family has gone to church. We were a Christian family, but like any family we had our own issues. I had a good life, but I had difficulty making friends and frequently had to endure family arguments at home. I felt isolated and lonely. As a teenager I fell into lustful habits and eventually into pornography. When I felt left out by my friends from school or on edge from my parents fighting I could just drift away with my lust and not feel so bad. It was my temporary escape. But as years went by my lustful ways proved to just add to my problems. They no longer were a source of comfort in hard times, but all I felt was shame, loneliness, and depression. But I couldn’t stop. I was addicted. I felt like I was less than me. I was a dark empty void. There was no James, no humanity, just lust.

I no longer had any satisfaction. My mind was a slave to pornography. I was so ashamed of myself and so lonely. I had tried everything I could to break my habits without exposing my wretchedness to everyone, but nothing worked. But suddenly, in the midst of my agony, I remembered what I’d been taught as a child at church. God, is all powerful! He is more powerful than any evil thing! And what’s more? He loves us! I cried out in my heart to God, “I’ve tried everything else and I can’t beat my lust! I am a slave to it. I need you to beat this with your strength because mine isn’t enough. I will follow you, just save me from this despair.” And I trusted my life to God. I felt hopeful because if nothing else, I was right with God and that was enough for me.

Do I still struggle with lust? Of course and I expect to until the day I die. But with God’s strength backing me up, I can say “no” when I am tempted. I could never do that before! The temptations have never gone away, but with God’s on my side I can resist! The empty void within me has been filled with the strength of my savior, Jesus Christ, the son of God. I’m no longer a slave to pornography, I’m free to be the me that God made.

 

2 Corinthians 5:17 - Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

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